A modified version of this article has been featured on MariaShriver.com.

My family just had our second annual Tahoe ski trip filled with laughter and magical moments. Yet we also had our share of unexpected challenges.  We made conscious choices to not let the little things get in the way — to gracefully move through unforseen obstacles so that we could get back to the fun.  It may have been because we were in “vacation mode” — Or it may have been because of the absence of the daily stresses — no matter the reason, we were operating from a place of resiliency.  We rolled with the punches and as a result had the time of our lives.  I write this in the hopes that our lessons can serve as a reminder of how you can enhance your resiliency to move forward in achieving whatever it is you are looking for.

LESSON ONE: WHERE’S THE SNOW?

aka  Focus On The Things You Can Control And Release The Rest

Unlike the rest of the country, California has had an unusually mild winter.  As enjoyable as that has been at the beach, it presents a problem when planning a ski vacation.  Months leading up to the trip, my husband and I read articles and reviews about the terrible snow conditions in the Sierra’s.   We continued to check ski reports on a daily, if not hourly basis.  Although this trip had been planned for almost a year, we were prepared to pull the plug and make alternative plans.  In the final moments when we had to decide — I cancelled our hotel.

Upon doing so I realized that our vision just slipped away.  I was reminded of why we had planned this trip in the first place, it was an opportunity to experience nature and quite frankly just see some snow (spoken from a native New Yorker turned California resident).  My husband and I spoke some more, both feeling the let down, and came to realize we didn’t need spectacular ski conditions, we just needed to play in the snow.  I immediately called the hotel and was very lucky that they were able to get us a room once again.

Had we made our final decision coming from a place of fear, we would have missed out on what I consider to be one of our greatest vacations.  We just had to reframe how we were looking at the trip, to let go of what we can’t control and re-gain focus on what we can.  As I discuss in my blog, To Achieve, You must Start With A Vision, once you have clarity on what you want to achieve or create, you ultimately take actions that support those goals.  Although we couldn’t control the weather, we can most certainly create an experience that will bring our family together, show our girls the snow they have been craving, and create life-time memories.

LESSON TWO: TEXT FROM THE TEACHER

aka  It’s Okay To Be Afraid — But Don’t Let That Stop You

After dropping off our two little skiers at ski school, my husband and I experienced that sense of bliss and excitement that comes from knowing that for the next six hours, we can ski freely as adults, on our own schedule,  at our own pace.  Albeit, I had a similar feeling of bliss and excitement as I watched our children learn to ski — but for this moment we were happy to be a couple again.  Just as we reached the summit and were about to plunge down the back side of the mountain — I receive a text.  My five year old daughter’s ski instructor wrote “Becca is skiing well. She has become upset about going back on the slopes. She really wants to see you.”  And just like that we were headed back down the front side of the mountain to the ski school.

Upon arriving I could see that my daughter had her skis off and was just standing on the side watching all the other kids.  As I entered the school I asked the instructor if I could take my daughter up the magic carpet and help her ski down the bunny hill.  The instructor informed me that she was scared to go up the magic carpet and apparently had been walking up the bunny hill all morning.  I got down on my knees to talk to my little girl with tears in her eyes.  I asked her what she was afraid of, how she would like to spend her time, what will make her feel comfortable.  She talked. I listened. I then took her hand and led her to the place she was afraid of — the magic carpet.  I let her know that she was safe and that it was okay to be afraid AND that she could do this. Together, hand-in-hand, we rode to the top (with her skis on).  She was beaming with pride as she stepped off at the top of the “mountain”.  The teacher met us to take her down the slope as my husband and I watch her excitement grow.  After watching her conquer her fear two more times, she became re-engaged and beamed with pride as she stretched herself — reaching new heights.

As I mention in my blog, Wisdom From An Olympic Champion, that if you don’t push yourself beyond your comfort zone striving to achieve your goal — whether it be in a physical activity, a career, a relationship or any area in which you have a dream — you may be limiting yourself from your full capacity.   And when you do stretch to these places of discomfort, you are bound to stumble along the way. As Michael Jordan once said, “I have failed over and over and over in my life, and that is why I succeed.”

Had the teacher let her cave to her fears, Becca would never know what she was capable of.  What struck me beyond her ability to conquer her fear, was that she became re-engaged by doing so.

LESSON THREE: SOMEONE TOOK MY SKIS 

aka Maintain a Positive Attitude When Handling Unplanned Interruptions

On our last day of skiing, my husband and older daughter came back from an afternoon of skiing.  It was my turn to hit the slopes — only one hour before the lifts close and I could hardly wait for this last opportunity to take it all in.  As I walked out to retrieve my skis, they were missing.  They were nowhere to be found.  I was grateful they were rentals, but became upset as the last precious moments were ticking away.  The ski rental manager came over to tell me how sorry he was and that he could fit me for a new pair.  For a moment I became frustrated and was ready to call it a day.  But instead realized that I had a choice — either give in to the challenge or gracefully move through it.  I could either spend my time complaining to the manager and pointing fingers at how my skis were taken, or I could productively move forward to achieve the goal I was looking for.

So, I took a breath.  I chose the latter.  In partnership with the manager we moved swiftly, collaboratively taking care of necessary paperwork and ski fitting.  I maintained a positive attitude and to my surprise was ready to hit the slopes in less than 10 minutes.  As I was riding up the chairlift taking in the view on my way to the summit, I knew I had made the right choice.

LESSON FOUR: WIPE OUT

aka Embrace Mistakes To Become Your Best

During our drive home, I was reading a book used by the Positive Coaching Alliance, an organization geared towards transforming youth sports.  In this book, Elevating Your Game by Jim Thompson there is a section called “Embrace Mistakes to Become Your Best” in which it highlights that you can never be your best if you fear mistakes.  Athletes who are tentative or afraid of making a mistake are usually the ones who get beat.  It goes as far to say “Being afraid of mistakes is worse than making one.”  This really struck me as I related it to my skiing experience.  During the times where I was being “fearless”, drawing from my confidence and knowing that I had it within me to conquer the black diamond I skied beautifully.  Yet when I became tentative or afraid of wiping out, my ski technique deteriorated tremendously.

I did wipe out.  But rather than let that undermine my confidence or get in my way of enjoying the rest of the day I decided to focus on the rest of the run.  I identified what led to the wipe out and shifted my technique so it wouldn’t happen again.  As Thompson states in his book “Sports are filled with mistakes — what separates a great athletes from the rest is how they deal with the mistakes.”  He explains that great athletes are able to “flush” the mistake and move onto the next play.  Rather than linger on the mistake, or beat themself up over it — success comes when they focus on what they most need to do next.

So I challenge you to look at how you handle unforeseen obstacles — whether it’s in work or play.  Are you being as resilient as possible to move forward so that the barrier does not prevent you from reaching your goals?