“A person with a clear purpose will make progress on the toughest road. A person with no purpose will make no progress on even the smoothest road.”
~ Gandhi
In other words, if you don’t know where you are going, you could end up anywhere. The same holds true for communication.
Before entering an important conversation…you know the ones where you want to inspire a change… or help another improve performance … or get something accomplished…it is imperative that you prepare. Take the time to truly identify your purpose and desired outcome gaining that clarity of what you want to happen by the end of that meeting.
Many argue…
“I just don’t have time for this.”
”I have strong relationships with my staff, we can talk about anything.”
“I already know what I need to say.”
So, instead…like many of us, you walk into a conversation somewhat unprepared. Of course you had a general sense of where you wanted to go. Certainly you knew the topic that needed to be addressed.
But did you actually invest the time to identify what you wanted to achieve by the end of the meeting? Did you think through why this was imperative to the business? Did you consider implications to the other person, to you, and to the situation… and where they all intersect?
I know I have not always prepared in this way. I don’t always take the extra time (you know the 10 minutes I can’t spare) to really gain clarity on why I needed to have this conversation. And then I enter with a sense of urgency, needing to talk about something that is bothering me, coming in with how I would solve their problem.
When I do not effectively prepare for a conversation… make the choice to “wing it”, there are consequences. At times severe. I have …
- ended up going down various paths, wondering how the conversation got so off track… having a clear focus allows you to know when you are off track and gives you the guidepost to reel it all back in.
- left the other person in worse shape than when I came into the conversation… anticipating the reaction and sensitivity involved in a topic ensures that you can approach the conversation with sensitivity and tact.
- lost credibility or hindered trust… when you lose sight of the purpose, you risk making it personal and can potentially do more damage than good through the conversation.
I have become frustrated or stumped as to how a conversation took an unexpected turn. I have walked away from conversations with a completely different problem than what I went in with. I have been surprise at how the other person diverted the conversation or became defensive. I have gone in circles. I have wasted time.
I’ve suffered the consequences of entering important conversations unprepared … and I suspect you have to.
Yet many of my clients tell me that they do not have time to plan for conversations. but I argue. You cannot afford not to plan. And those that I have worked with and that have used my process and tools are not surprised that with just 5-10 minutes of preparation, you can save HOURS of wasted time down the road.
Planning does not have to be complicated, it is as simple as answering 5 basic questions:
WHAT IS THE INTENTION FOR THE CONVERSATION?
What do you need to accomplish? It is during this piece that you identify the intersection between what is important to you, what is important to the other person, and what the situation calls for.
WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE?
Far too often you may enter into conversation that has more to do with something that is bothersome to you, rather than a true business or performance issue. When you do this, you may not only find the other person on the defensive but also hinder trust and rapport. In seeking the Why for having this conversation, it must be directly linked to a true business need.
WHO HAS SOME RESPONSIBILITY?
Before entering a conversation it is always helpful to reflect on both who may be contributing to the challenge as well as who could influence the outcome. You also want to consider personal responsibility.
WHEN WOULD IT BE THE MOST EFFECTIVE TIME?
You want to consider not only the time of the day, but also the day of the week. Keep in mind who you are meeting with and what part of the day is conducive for a meaningful and focused conversation. If they prefer to focus on emails and plan their day right as they walk into the office, then scheduling your conversation first thing in the morning may not be the best time. Likewise, if you are going to talk about something that may be difficult, you want to ensure that you can follow-up shortly after the conversation and see how the person is doing. So scheduling on a Friday afternoon would not allow for a timely check-in.
WHERE IS THE MOST APPROPRIATE LOCATION?
You want to ensure that it allows for privacy, a place where confidential information can be shared. If you work in an open environment, it is important to find a conference room, closed office, or off site location.
Although many of these items may sound obvious, we often rush into conversations without thinking through a plan. Answering these simple yet powerful questions, will ensure a successful, collaborative, and focused conversation.
